Down But Not Out

“well hey man, I’m alive, taking each day and night at a time, I’m down but I know I’ll get by, hey man, gonna live my life, and I got nothing but this roll of a dice”

I’ve been knocked down so many times, counted out 6,7,8,9, only this time, I struggling to pick myself up :-(

The road to recovery, in theory should be the start of a new chapter in book of my life, but right now all I can see is one very long dark tunnel with no exit sign. The first part of recovery was to gain employment, which I have managed to do so. It is nice to be in a working environment again and working with a new set of people.
Everyone is nice and friendly and have welcomed me with open arms. I kinda feel out of my depth, I’m not quite sure what I’m doing. It’s a totally different world to the one to which I was accustomed to working in for many years before. I didn’t work today as it was my day because I had to go and see the cardiologist. I go back to work tomorrow, but if I’m being honest, I’m actually quite scared of going. Am I scared because I feel out of my depth, or am I scared because I’m afraid to fail in my new job? Personally, I think it’s the later of the two.

A great philosopher called J.B.Jovi once said and I quote “you can’t win, until you’re not afraid to lose” Right now, I’m not quite sure where I fit in to that one.

I’m also absolutely scared of christmas and the new year celebrations this festive season. It’s going to so very different to the one that was planned, and in a way, it’s going to be lonely. If we really could turn back the hands of time, then I wouldn’t be writing this bit, sadly though, that’s not possible. As I sit here and write this, I’m not ashamed to say that I have a tear or two in either eye.

I know that I really shouldn’t be writing this on here because it’s negative, and that is wrong of me because mutualfriends is the house of positive people, so for that I do apologise, guess, I just need to get all out somewhere. I’m sorry folks, take no notice.

“Podemos empacar nuestros sueños viejos y nuestro viejo vivo, y encontraremos un lugar donde el sol todavía brilla. Te quiero a bebé, siempre y yo estaré allí, para siempre y un día, siempre.”

When at last the scorer comes to mark against your name. He cares not if you won or lost, but how you played the game, Go for it, its not whether you have the courage to win, but whether you have the courage to fail,

Neil....i totally understand how you feel and what you are going through. As i might have mentioned before about my son has a form of bone cancer. He has had two different full chemo treatments and it still returned. He is now on a trial drug, which manages the cancer and keeps it at bay..so far so good. However the side effects are that he feels tired and weary most times. Hardly gets out of the house. He has fought this shitty stuff and still fighting it..at the moment his hardest fight is keeeping his sanity because he is at home and no one to chat to, He is only 18 and has lost friends to this shit already.....when he was last told about there was not much more than can do for him he still fought...his positive thinking brought about his chance for the trial drug. He is still here with us thank christ and he always will be. He has beciome very philosophical about it all and his life and is very mature and grown up and brave...im very very proud of him and he puts me to shame with his bravery....the thing is he has adopted the attitude to make the most out of life..to keep fighting...and not to be scared of anything..if the opportunity arises go for it..this year he went to south africa with his college for 3 and a half weeks. He was in pain and not on top form but he was offered the cnace to go and took it.
What you ahve been through has been tough for you but it makes yopu tougher than many others..what about the people around you in the workplace..? do they not worry at firts joining? we all do when we start a new job..as Polly says do you have the courage to fail...and as your fave philosopher once said..you can’t win, until you’re not afraid to lose” Thats how we learn and become stronger..mentally emotionally and physically. Do not be afraid anymore. You have nothing to fear...you fail? you learn from that failure..you move on..you succeed learn and still move on..keep climbing, achieving, set new goals for yourself, simple and achieveable.....
Neil we are all with you just look in that mirror every morning and be proud of what you have achieved...

(((Neil)))

I know where you are at and its not pretty, but you can and will get out of it.

Don't be ashamed to cry, its good to do so - I often do!

Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel? Maybe they can offer you some help. In the meantime please feel free to vent on here, I am sure nobody minds.

After all the best friends are those that share your troubles as well as your good times.

Take care xx

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. Perhaps you're just nervous because like you said, it is such a change for you. In which case, if you did make a mistake, it'd be fine...you're new to it all, if anything, now's the time to make mistakes because you can get away with them at this stage and blame it on being new! ;)

Often, anticipating bad things gives them more power-I'm very guilty of this!

As for Christmas, I'm in the same boat as you-it's going to be difficult, but also it helps to remember that there are going to be loads more that WON'T be like this.

Hope you feel better about things soon.

x

Its very hard going back to work after a break. I know when I went back I was just the same. You have just got to keep your confidence up and try and not get too stressed,