 Private messaging
 What are private messages?
Private messages are messages sent between you and another member.
They are private between you and cannot be seen by any other members.
Think of private messaging as a bit like email, except anonymous and without the spam or virus risk!
How do I send a private message?
Once you've found someone you like you can send them a message. To do this:
- log in
- locate the person you would like to send a message to, using Search, Tags, Friends, Neighbours, Favourites, Conversations or any other means
- click their name or photograph to view their profile
- there is a message box towards the bottom of the page
- type your message into the box
- click "Send"
- the message is sent instantaneously using our internal delivery system,
and the recipient is normally notified by email that there is a message waiting for them
You can send up to 100 private messages per day.
How do I know when a message I sent has been read?
To find out if a recipient has read a message you sent them, check your "Sent messages" folder via the "My messages" link in the main menu
Next to each message is an icon. The closed envelope icon  means the recipient has not read the message.
The open envelope icon  means the recipient has read the message.
How do I reply to a private message?
To reply to a private message:
- log in
- click "My messages"
- click the link of the message you would like to reply to
- click the "Reply" link
- type your message
- click "Send"
- the message is sent and received immediately using our internal delivery system
You can check if you have replied to a message by looking at the icon next to the message in your Inbox folder. If the closed envelope icon
is showing, you have not yet read the message. If the open envelope icon is showing, you have opened the message but not replied to it. If the
open replied envelope icon  is showing, you have replied to the message.
How do I delete messages?
You can delete messages from your Inbox folder. To do this:
- log in
- click "My messages" in the main menu
- tick the checkbox next to each message you would like to delete
- click the "Delete" button at the top of the column
- the messages are then moved to your "Deleted messages" folder
You can view deleted messages in your "Deleted messages" folder for up to 90 days after deletion. After 90 days, ALL messages, whichever folder they are in, are automatically deleted by our system.
How do I undelete a message I have deleted?
You cannot undelete a message you have deleted, but you can view and reply to it from your "Deleted messages" folder any time up to 90 days after receiving it.
How do I see messages I have sent?
To see messages you have sent to other members, do this:
- log in
- click "My messages" on the main menu
- scroll to the bottom of the page
- click "Sent messages"
I have a message from someone. How do I find their profile?
Simply click the link to the member's profile which you'll find on the message page.
I've been told I have a message - why can't I find it?
This normally happens when you have blocked the sender. Check and remove the block if necessary. For more details on blocking and unblocking, see the Blocking section.
Another possible reason is that you have two accounts. Please carefully check the email alert we sent you, which contains the username of the account your message was sent to. Alternatively, use
our password retriever and type in the email address you received your message alert on. This will send you details of how to log into your other account.
Why can't I send any more messages?
You are entitled to send up to 100 messages per day free of charge. We hope this is
sufficient for everybody. You may have reached 10000 messages in total, which is the maximum any member can send. Contact us for more information.
Alternatively our system may have detected that you have sent many identical messages, which is
against our rules. Please contact us to see if we can reinstate your private messaging facility.
I see 'Sender has left the site' next to a message. What does it mean?
This usually means the person who sent the message has broken our terms and conditions by sending spam or fraudulent messages to you. We immediately removed that member. It's one of the ways that we are working hard for you to protect you from undesirable contact and ensure you can stay focussed on meeting real, genuine people.
In some cases it can simply mean that the person who sent the message has resigned their account between sending you the message and you logging in to retrieve it. In either case the message has been removed and cannot be retrieved.
Can I prevent someone from sending me private messages?
We understand that you may not want to receive private messages from a particular member for various reasons. You can block another member from the message page. To do this:
- log in
- click "My messages" on the main menu
- click a message from the person you want to block
- click the "Block sender" link under the message
For complete information on blocking and unblocking members, see the help section on Blocking.
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