MutualFriends.com - the free friendship site for grownups

Conversations

What are conversations?

Our conversations rooms allow members to really get to know each other by starting or participating in public discussions with each other.

How do I read the conversations?

To read the conversations, do this:

log in
click "Conversations" on the top menu
click one of the conversations rooms links
you see a list of current conversations
click one of the conversations
you see the conversation, complete with photos of those who have contributed

You can sort the conversations in a room in various ways, to make it easier to find interesting conversations.

to show the most recently started conversations, click the "Sort by newest conversations" link
to show the conversations with the most contributions, click the "Sort by hottest topics" link
to show the conversations that have been most recently added to, click the "Sort by latest messages" link
if you are in a meetups conversation room, you can click "Sort by meetup date" to show the meetups in date order

How do I participate in conversations?

To participate in the conversations, do this:

log in
click "Conversations" on the top menu
click through to a conversations room
click "Reply" on the message you would like to respond to
fill in the message box
click "Preview" to see how your message will look when sent
correct spelling mistakes (if any!)
click "Send"
providing the message is appropriate for immediate publication, it will go online straight away
click "Return to conversation"

If you want to start your own conversation, click the "Start a new conversation" link. Depending on your membership level, your new conversation may be reviewed by a moderator prior to being posted, so please be patient while this happens.

Why does my reply not appear where I thought it would in the conversation?

New messages always appear at the end of the conversation.

How can I see all the conversations I have contributed to?

You can get a list of all the conversations you've taken part in. To do this:

log in
click "Conversations" on the top menu
click "My conversations" at the bottom of the page

How can I see only conversations I am interested in?

You can bookmark a conversation so you can easily get back to it later, even if you haven't taken part in the conversation. To do this:

log in
click "Bookmark conversation" at the top-right of the conversation you want to bookmark

To see a list of your bookmarked conversations, click "My conversations" on your left-hand menu when logged in.

To remove a bookmark from a conversation, do this:

log in
click "Conversations" on the top menu
click "My conversations" at the bottom of the page
click the conversation you want to un-bookmark
click the "Remove bookmark" link at the top-right of the conversation page

What do some of the terms people use in the conversations rooms mean?

Sometimes it can be hard to understand what people are saying in the conversations rooms, because they may use acronyms or jargon. Here is a short list of very common jargon you might see:

forum or room or board: a collection of conversations around a certain theme or style
thread or conversation: a conversation, a list of contributions. Many conversations make up a room or a forum.
message or contribution or posting: a contribution to a conversation
OP: Original Poster - a reference to the person who posted the message which started the thread
off-topic: a contribution that does not have anything to do with the topic of the thread. Some rooms welcome off-topic contributions but in other rooms it is preferred that conversations stay on-topic
pulled: a thread or contribution that has been removed by the moderators
moderators or mods: staff here who oversee the conversations and remove postings the go against the guidelines
frilly knicker: a man who sets up an account posting as a woman in order to read contributions in the women only forum - note: this is strictly against our rules
naughty step
PM: private message - a private message between two members (see Private messaging)
LOL: laughing out loud
PMSL: peeing myself laughing
ROFL: rolling on the floor laughing
CR: Common Room - one of our most popular conversations rooms
WR or WO: the Women's Room or Women Only - our conversations room reserved for female members
MR or MO: the Men's Room or Men Only - our conversations room reserved for male members

If you hear people referring to Midsummer's Eve, or MSE, they could be talking about our site which is called Midsummer's Eve. Mutual Friends was at one point linked to Midsummer's Eve but today they are completely separate sites.

Can I remove something I said in the conversations?

Because your contribution forms a part of the conversation, it does not make sense to remove individual contributions to the conversations after publication. So we regret we are unable to remove messages unless they go against our conversations guidelines.

I just found something I wrote in the conversations on a search engine! Why is this?

Some of our Conversations rooms are considered private, and others are public. Private conversations rooms cannot normally be indexed by search engines, but public ones can. Private conversations rooms include those that are restricted to just men or just women, and those that are restricted to certain group members only.

For public conversations rooms, the following applies. Anything you publish on the Internet in a public web site (such as this) can be picked up by search engines, and kept for all to see, pretty much forever. You should never commit anything to writing on the Internet, including this site, if you don't want your friends, your neighbours, your employer, your employees, your husbands/wives/girlfriends/boyfriends, ex-lovers, parents, grandparents, children or anybody else to see. This applies to both forum contributions, profile details, photographs and everything else you publish online.

If you don't want others to see it, please don't publish it on the Internet. If it does appear in a search engine, please don't write in asking us to remove it because we do not own the search engines and we cannot control what they index and republish. We ask all members to take responsibility for what they publish to this public web site.

What are the rules for conversations?

We don't have any rules over the subject matter of what can be discussed. However, we do have firm rules over how subjects can be discussed. In short, all conversations must be friendly and must obey our terms and conditions. Additionally we have the following guidelines:

Messages should not be unfriendly, offensive, or potentially offensive. Differences of opinion are welcomed, but personal attacks are not.
Messages should be clearly written and easy to understand. They should be written in plain English and be understandable by people whose first language is not English.
Conversations should be unique or substantially different from ongoing conversations. Otherwise the new conversation should be merged into the existing conversation.
Messages should not be too personal or written about another member in a way that may identify that member, especially if the content is critical of that person.
Messages should not be reliant on inside information or contain material that would not be easily understood by brand new members, or make the site appear cliquey to new members.
Messages should not be "trolling", that is, designed to annoy other members or to provoke a negative reaction.
Messages should not offer legal, technical or medical opinions stated as "fact".
Messages should not discuss decisions made by staff. To challenge a decision or remedy a mistake, the customer should contact the helpdesk.

Please respect the purpose of each room, which is stated at the top of the page. For example in some rooms it's fine to go off-topic but in others it is preferred that members keep to the topic in hand.

Please note that if you say anything unfriendly in the conversations your account may be removed without notice.

How are the conversations moderated?

Conversations are moderated by members with backup from staff. All new messages are scanned for obviously offensive content, and those which contain such material are held back for review prior to publication.

Messages which receive a high number of "Inappropriate" ratings from other members will be manually reviewed by the moderators and compared with the guidelines. If they break the guidelines they may be removed.

Why has my contribution not been posted?

If your contribution has not been immediately posted it has been held back for reviewing by our staff. It probably contains words or phrases which are frequently used in an unfriendly context. Please wait whilst we review your contribution.

Why do I see 'Cannot display conversation' when I click on a conversation?

There are three main reasons why you may see this message:

You need to be logged in - some conversations can be viewed by non-members and members alike. If the conversation you have clicked on is reserved for members only, please log in to view it.
You are the wrong sex! - we have private conversations rooms for men only and women only. You are the wrong sex - sorry!
The conversation has been removed - occasionally we remove an entire thread if it drops below our standards for friendliness

How do I report an excellent message?

If you find a message which is particularly insightful, informative, interesting or just extremely well written, we encourage you to rate it "Excellent". Click the "Rate: Excellent" link by the message to make your report. This will enable us to flag up particularly brilliant messages and give membership points to those who write them. You can only rate each message once, and you cannot rate your own messages.

How do I alert a moderator about a message?

If you find a message which offends you or you think breaks our guidelines, you can alert the moderation team. Click the "Rate: Inappopriate" link by each message to make your report. If a particular message receives a large number of inappropriate report we will manually review it and take the necessary action. You can only rate each message once, and you cannot rate your own messages.

This system works well because it is a distributed system - no one person can get your postings removed, so the potential for bullying or one on one grudges is minimised.

How can I complain about a message?

If you would like to raise a formal complaint about material you have seen in the Conversations area, please follow these instructions.

We need to ensure that all complaints are dealt with fairly and are investigated in the same way. So we have a simple process for raising, investigating and reporting back on complaints about Conversations. Here is how to raise your complaint:

Send us a note via the contact form quoting:

the Message ID number(s) of the messages you are complaining about. The Message ID number can be found at the bottom of the message in question. If you are complaining about multiple messages, list them all.
for each message you are complaining about, please state the rule or Conversations guideline, that the message breaks. We will then be able to compare the messages against the site rules.

Without the above information it is impossible for us to investigate your complaint and report back, because we cannot know which message(s) you are complaining about, and we have no means of identifying the messages other than via their message ID numbers.

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